Tag Archives: This Is Big Green

Usual Rubbish

Cop-out edition.

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Is that the press again? The daily press – what did you think I meant? Stupid personal robot assistant!

Okay, well, as some of you may have noticed, we posted an installment of THIS IS BIG GREEN yesterday, the July program. And if you did, in fact, notice, you would know that it’s what used to be called a “summer replacement” show, or perhaps more accurately, a summer re-run. It’s like when they ran The Prisoner as a summer replacement for the Andy Williams show back in 1968, while Andy was off to the Bahamas drinking margaritas or something of that sort. Just like that … except that The Prisoner was “good”

What are we doing instead of finishing our July show? Well, I wish I could say we were doing as Andy Williams does, but it’s not the case. I could give you a raft of explanations as to why we couldn’t finish our June show in time even for July, but then you would just laugh at me. So … here goes:

Wolves! Wolves used to wipe out whole villages until men hunted them down. Wolves learned! But they didn’t learn enough to keep them from eating our June podcast.

Post the clip showColony collapse syndrome. You’ve heard of this scourge that’s been decimating bee populations around the world. Well, it’s conceivable that this may be the reason we didn’t finish our June podcast. Conceivable? Yes. True? No.

Falcon watch. There is a family of peregrine falcons nesting in a box on the side of a twenty story building in downtown Utica, and Matt has been keeping a close eye on them; in one case, climbing over a Victorian wrought iron fence and into a churchyard to retrieve a fallen chick. Unlikely reason for a late podcast? Yes. True? Well, yes.

Actually, once again, we are victims of over-ambitious production (which for us is any project that requires a modicum of effort). We are in the process of completing six original songs for the next episode of Ned Trek, as well as the episode itself, and it’s kind of time-consuming. I expect we’ll post in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, please enjoy this re-run of Ned Trek X, “A Plea for Arms”, one of my favorite Ned Treks, frankly, if only because I get to play Charlton Heston. (I’ve also thrown in our thrown-together recording of Quality Lincoln for your amusement.)

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THIS IS BIG GREEN: July 2014

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Big Green, well, cops out on this month’s episode, choosing instead to play reruns and put their feet up that big tray of drinks. Busted!

This is Big Green – July 2014. Sadly, we’re still working on the next podcast, so as a stop-gap we’re posting this lame-ass repeat, which features: 1) An encore presentation (a.k.a repeat) of Ned Trek X: A Plea for Arms, from May (or June) 2013; 2) Song: Quality Lincoln; 3) Sheepish exit

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Usual Rubbish

Missing month.

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Could have sworn I left it around here someplace. Have you seen it, Marvin? Oh, right. You’ve deactivated yourself for the holidays. Sounds nice … enjoy your break. How ’bout you, mansized tuber? Oh, yeah. He planted himself in the courtyard, out of earshot. Smart move. Wish I’d thought of that.

What am I searching for? The lost month of June, that’s what. It was here a minute ago, seems like, and now, POOF! Gone-zo. And with it, apparently, the June episode of our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN. Okay, well … it’s not quite as mysterious as that. Our promised June episode is still in production, and not quite finished. Part of the reason is that we are lazy slags, but aside from that, frankly, it’s been a very complicated episode. A full-on, hour long episode of Ned Trek incorporating no less than six original Big Green songs. I am only now finishing out the songs, adding some incidental parts, mixing, etc. Working like a dog over here. (Well, a lazy kind of dog, anyway.)

Like a dawgOkay, I know what this sounds like. It sounds like pretty much every month this year, right? January’s podcast got pushed into February, March’s into April, April’s into May, and now June has evaporated. Four shows in six months is not exactly a land speed record, even for Big Green, so what can I say. As we try to raise our production values from the sub, sub-basement where they reside to the dank level of goodness just above that, we are finding that it takes a bit more effort than just plain sucking.

This is kind of how Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick was born. We started out with a bunch of hastily recorded sketches, then started tracking those, making them marginally more complex until they reached the same level of quality (or lack thereof) as our officially released albums, International House and 2000 Years to Christmas. We’re beginning to do the same deal with these Ned Trek songs, though they make the Cowboy Scat numbers seem, well, normal by comparison. This is some weird shit, man.

Stay tuned … we will post sometime soon. If it takes longer than we anticipate, we might toss in a clip show or something. Another cop out! Say it ain’t so, Joe!

Usual Rubbish

Next stumbles.

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Process that track. Delete that wave. Get a little drunk and then dig your grave. I don’t know, what is the work song equivalent of my current occupation? Most professions have been reduced to someone sitting in front of a computer terminal, tapping away and grimacing. Here at Big Green, we are no exception. As I am now demonstrating, by sitting in front of a computer and typing. And grimacing.

Well ... maybe not.Sure, I know, we should perform. I think that’s a marvelous idea. Right now, our performances are our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, which appears nearly every month right here on this channel (check local listings). We could haul our sorry, superannuated asses down to the local gin mill and slog through some of our hundreds (yes, literally hundreds) of songs, most of which have never been heard outside a small circle of friends, and I wouldn’t rule that out. Maybe we’ll do some Stage-It performances, or something like that. Who the hell knows?

The main thing is (and this is important!) we are still making ridiculous music … still bizarre and asinine after all these years. Right now, the place to hear it is here. And as I look around at the clammy walls of the empty, abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, our adoptive home, I am reminded of why we got into this in the first place… that spark of an idea that started Big Green decades ago, in a place far (well, not so far) away. That voice that came to me, early one morning, seeping into my cloudy, half slumbering consciousness, to whisper those inspiring words: “You need to make money somehow, you dope-ass loser … get a band going!”

Actually, it was louder than a whisper. And it wasn’t a disembodied voice; it was my roommate at the time, asking for my half of the rent. He was one of those guys who put labels on stuff in the refrigerator, each one sporting his name. To me, though, those labels always read “eat me”.

But enough about ME. What have you been up to, eh?

Usual Rubbish

Frankenplay.

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How does this sound for a robot voice? “I am not a crook!” What? Well, yes, that IS my Nixon voice, but I’m doing a Nixon robot, remember? How is that supposed to sound, for crying out loud?

Now, who am I again?Oh, hello out there in Real Worldia. No, this isn’t another pointless argument about some instrument none of us plays. We’re just getting ready to record another episode of our Star Trek parody, Ned Trek, now in its 19th episode, featured on our monthly (or near-monthly, at least) podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN. Not to give away any trade secrets, but I do the voice of the Nixon android, an automaton who holds the entire personal and political history of Richard Milhous Nixon in his memory banks. Likes a good stiff drink every once in a while, Nixon does.

Don’t know if you’ve heard the show, but assuming you haven’t, I’ll give you some idea  of what it’s all about. We take an episode or two of the original Star Trek series and mash it up, replacing the main characters with the following cast members:

  • Willard Mittilius Romney, Captain of the Free Enterprise
  • Mr. Ned, the talking dressage horse, Romney’s first officer
  • Dr. Tom Coburn, ship’s southern-fried surgeon
  • Lt. Richard Pearle, famed neocon and basically a pain in everyone’s ass
  • Mr. Welsh, chief engineer and accent troll
  • Mr. Sulu, helmsman, holdover, and yes, THAT Mr. Sulu

The ship is part of the Confederation of Planets, a dystopian variation of the Star Trek regime, in that it is a grasping, rapacious, hegemonic imperial force bent on exploitation of every planet to within an inch of its life. And, of course, the comedic possibilities that arise from such an entity.

What else? About every other episode we manage to slip a few songs into the mix. The episode we’ll be recording this week will be one of those. Crew members will break into song at random intervals. This is basically our creative output in this stage of Big Green’s lifecycle. What follows this? Compost!

Usual Rubbish

Tossed together.

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Not much I can add to that, brother. How about another piano? No, no … not a different individual piano instrument, I mean another piano PART! Holy Jebus!

You are genetically weird.Oh, hi. Sorry about my outburst there. No, I wasn’t having an argument with my illustrious brother Matt, I was just rehearsing for our conversation later on today. I know it may seem strange, but I have to rehearse for just about everything that occurs in my life. Which is even stranger, in fact, because I almost never rehearse for gigs. In fact, you might describe me as downright hostile to the idea. (As a friend once famously said, “Rehearsal is just a crutch for cats who can’t blow.”)

Now I should say here, no one has ever accused Big Green of not blowing. That just never has been part of our DNA. Granted, we have some errant strands in there; some stray genes that make us more susceptible to, say, living in abandoned hammer mills (which, on a rainy day like today, is kind of like living in a water treatment plant) or keeping personal robot assistants … like Marvin (my personal robot assistant). Yeah, we have a lot of personal and genetic history to live down, but we soldier on. Damn the torpedoes! (No, I mean, really, damn them. Those suckers smart.)

Speaking of abandoned hammer mills, we’re hammering out some new songs for the next episode of the podcast. They started out to be “first-draft” essays of the kind we did in 2012 – those rough little numbers that ended up on Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick in slightly less rough shape. But as we go, they keep getting more and more complicated. Recording is more like painting than sculpting, I have to say – you can keep slopping new paint over the old, sometimes until the canvas is inches thick with the stuff. When sculpting, you can only knock so many chunks off that rock before you’re left with … I don’t know … a smaller rock?

Hey, Matt … where’s my spatula? I’m going with the post impressionist look on this one. (Just practicing again. Love to hear the sound of my own echo in this old barn of a place.)

Usual Rubbish

Tune down.

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That doesn’t sound much like a Sousaphone. What if you cup your hands over your mouth … like this? Wa-wuh-wa-wuh. How about that? Too much like a muted trombone? Very well.

Um, maybe.Okay, I admit it … sometimes it’s hard to arrange a song when you’ve only got two musicians in the room, and one of them is me … and the other is my brother. (That’s brother of the same mother, Matt Perry.) The palette is limited, let us say, and of course Matt can’t play guitar and bass at the same time. (I’ve had more than one talk with him about his shortcomings.) And my keyboarding is, well, mostly confined to piano like objects, organs, etc. We’re recording new, mostly very silly songs, and they call for stuff we can’t do ourselves. At least, not without some modifications.

These are songs for the podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, and more specifically, for our next Ned Trek episode. Matt wanted a sousaphone like sound, so he attempted to make it himself. On one song, I wanted a harp-like sound, so I fashioned one out of a hair comb and an electric razor. That, too, didn’t work out so well. In any case, we end up just resorting to the usual axes, with a few weird noises dropped in from Neptune. Then we go on an interstellar tour. That’s the Big Green way.

Matt and I have thought about adding members, but I have to tell you, this Hammer Mill is overcrowded even with just the two of us here. I think part of the reason is that this old barn of a place is so stuffed full of creepyness, there’s no air leftover for the rest of us. So the rest of us go celebrate Festivus. And there is much rejoicing. Like when I got those bottlecaps nailed on the bottom of my shoes so I could walk across ice in the winter. That worked … not so great.

Okay, I’ve wandered a bit. Thing is, you might just see us out with a horn player at some point. And maybe someone on kazoo. Stranger things have happened.

Usual Rubbish

Inside the May podcast.

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Well, I’m back from watering the man-sized tuber. Never thought his personal life decisions would so dramatically affect my schedule, but apparently so. He has to be watered two or Could have picked a better spot.three times a day, and it looks like I’m nominated to be his personal gardener. By default. (Well, I can’t leave it to anti-Lincoln. He’d set the poor bastard root vegetable on fire!)

Anywho, this seems like a good time to talk about our May THIS IS BIG GREEN podcast and what you’re likely find lurking inside that largish mp3 file. Here’s the rundown:

Ned Trek XVIII: Captain Fricassee – This is a riff on the “classic” Star Trek episode “The Enemy Within”, in which the captain – in this case, Willard Mittilius Romney – is divided by a transporter malfunction into a good half and a bad half. Our version features a Romney doppelganger that embodies the southern reactionary buried within every conservative candidate for higher office. Gluttony saves the day. Don’t ask … just listen.

Song: Brotherly Love – a half-assed, live rendition of a tent revival gospel song originally sung by Robert Goulet on an episode of The Big Valley. Again… don’t ask. Sometimes we just do stupid shit, and sometimes the audio recorder is running … and sometimes those two things happen at the same time. That’s how a podcast is born.

Song: Going to Andromeda,  by Big Green – This is a song produced on a 4-track cassette portastudio back in 1991, I believe. Matt wrote it, and as it happens it’s one of my favorites of his songs (and that’s saying something). Lo-fi but worth a listen.

Song: Good Old Boys Roundup (Demo Version), by Big Green – This one we’ve played on the podcast before. It’s one of mine, and we’ve never finished a full-blown version of it. So it’s just me howling and strumming a guitar. And banging a piano. (And by banging, I mean playing … don’t put words in my mouth.)

The rest is talk … talk about dumb stuff. Bad movies, etc. You get the picture. Give it a listen sometime and tell me what you think. No, really – tell us and we’ll post your comments right here. Promise.

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THIS IS BIG GREEN: May 2014

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Big Green hops awkwardly around the maypole with a brand new episode of Ned Trek, two unreleased Big Green tracks, impromptu performances, and other accidents. Avast!

This is Big Green – May 2014. Features: 1) Ned Trek XVIII: Captain Frickasee; 2) Put the Phone Down: A lame song to greet the May; 3) Joe Percy’s convocation report; 4) Matt’s falcon tales; 5) Talk of Planet of the Dinosaurs and other trivia; 6) Song: Brotherly Love, performed live by Big Green; 7) Pondering the plot of the Big Valley; 8) Song: Going to Andromeda, by Big Green; 9) Matt plays with bungees; 10) Song: Good Old Boys Roundup, by Big Green (demo version); 11) Time for us to go.

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Dwarfed ambitions.

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Interstellar Tour Log: April 10, 2014
On the surface of Dwarf Planet 2012 VP.

That’s it. I am officially declaring our Interstellar Tour over and done with. I’m sick of these stupid slug lines reminding people where the hell we are all the time. Also, we’ve simply run out of places to play here on Dwarf Planet 2012 VP. That’s likely because, aside from a few street-corner fried plantain vendors, there is virtually no commerce here. This planetoid is devoid of performance venues. We actually set up and jammed in a nearby crater just on the off chance that random extraterrestrials would happen upon us. Nothing. Not a sausage.  This is just like back home.

Ah, home. The sainted abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. It’s leaky roof, its moldy basement, its crumbling walls, its heaps of abandoned hammer parts and random knobs of discarded pig iron that I keep tripping over even after having squatted there for more than a decade. I miss that dump, and I’m not alone in that sentiment. Hell, even Marvin (my personal robot assistant) looked a little misty yesterday as he scrolled through photos of the mill on his laptop. Lincoln seems like a man without a rostrum. The mansized tuber, well … he’s a plant. Don’t expect a lot of overt sentiment out of him.

That's the ticket!So, yeah, after months in space, we are ready to take the long trip home, back from the Ort Cloud, back from hastily named space rocks that are hard to classify. Before we go, though, we want to leave a stake in the ground here on Dwarf Planet 2012 VP. My thought is, well, let’s name the sucker after ourselves. Let’s claim it for Big Green, well and truly. We could be subtle about it and just shift the name to 2012 BG. Or we could go all-out and call it Big Greenland (though I was reserving that for a future theme park). We’ve got friends at NASA … I’m guessing this is do-able. (And yes, we have to ask for permission, since we need telemetric data from the space agency to find our way back to the mill.)

Homeward bound, chaps!