All posts by Joe

Joe Perry is co-founder of the band Big Green and brother to Matt Perry, other co-founder of Big Green. Shall I go on?

Life and death.

This was a week when national health insurance was equated with cruciferous vegetables; when purveyors of deadly gun violence played the victim and had the law on their side. What a week, eh?

First, the Affordable Care Act being considered by the gang of nine (robes division). There are a great many things that might be said of the judicial theater we were all treated to this week, but from my perspective – a limited one, to be sure – they boil down to the following points:

Health Care: Still Not A Vegetable. This is one of those vacuous, tea-party type arguments that has been thrown around since the Affordable Care Act (ACA) was considered by Congress. Jesus freaking christ on a bike, Justice Scalia … no, health care is not the same as freaking broccoli. You can live your whole miserable life without eating a single floret of broccoli, but god damn it you will certainly end up in a hospital at some point, and someone is going to pay for it. And no, it’s not a cell phone either, damn it. Some people have never used one; my 85-year-old mother for one. Neither cell phones nor broccoli are essential or inevitable like medical care in America.

Pick Your Constitutional Overreach. Justice Kennedy – a.k.a. he who will decide whether millions can see a doctor or not – appears to think that the ACA fundamentally changes the relationship between the government and the people. Many take this as confirmation that it is constitutional overreach. But even if it were, why pick that out of the crowd? We have undeclared wars that last ten years and more. We have routine violations of fourth amendment rights. Our government kills, detains, and spies on people at will without any discernible limit. Why aren’t these same people attacking those excesses? Or is it just that they are attacking the ACA because they disagree with it politically? Thought so.

Where’s Thomas? I’ve heard the audio from these sessions, mostly on NPR, and I have heard comments from every justice but Thomas. Every single one had something noteworthy to say except Thomas. Has someone tried shaking him or poking him with a stick lately? I’m not sure he’s responsive at this point. Strange, strange justice.

The outcome of this life or death question could take any of a number of shapes, but my money is on their striking it down, mostly because conservatives (i.e. reactionary statists) are in the majority, thanks to George W. Bush and the ignorant people who re-elected him. They showed their impartiality with Bush v. Gore and Citizen’s United … and it doesn’t bear close scrutiny.

Re: Trayvon Martin. The police video shows that Zimmerman is not only an extreme exaggerator, but also a good deal more athletic than we’d been led to imagine. But the real perps here are the Florida legislature, former governor Bush, ALEC (the American Legislative Exchange Council), and the NRA – authors of the “Stand Your Ground” legislation that has made such slaughter legal. Time to shoot the law, Florida. It’s a question of self defense.

luv u,

jp

Lunar new year.

Hey, what the…? Did I sign off on that? Are you sure? Well, I guess you would know better than I. Wouldn’t you? RRRrrrrr….

Face it, we’ve got bad quality control here at the Cheney Hammer Mill. Was a time that not a single hammer went out of here with unsightly flashing or a splinter out of place in their ironwood handles. Not so with Big Green, it pains me to say. We are not perfect – ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF. It’s just because we’ve got irons in so many fires. Too many spoons in the stew. Eleven toes on each foot. I don’t know – you pick the metaphor. I’ve got work to do.

Nah, see… Marvin (my personal robot assistant) posted our March episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, our podcast, before I had had a chance to listen to it. We could be saying ANYTHING, for chrissake. If we had reputations or integrity, we could lose either (or both). There are some advantages to general slovenliness and moral degeneration, but I’ve only just thought of one of them, so…. there can’t be too many. Anyway, it’s out there, warts and all – another wide ranging discussion between Matt and I, discussing everything from the death of Davy Jones and Andrew Breitbart, to Star Trek mythology, to things too obscure to describe in print. Freakish, that’s all I can say. Plus three more songs from Rick Perry – a 70s-pop lament tentatively called “Rick: The Searchable Name”; a doggerel called “Really Rick Perry”, and a primitive rock number entitled, simply, “Santorum”.

Okay, well … that’s done. Now, to our new commission – that of spearheading the efforts of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich in his efforts to conquer and rule the moon. He got our names from George W. Bush, no doubt. We have been in the dubya rolodex ever since he went on tour with us back in 2000, which led to our taking on an advisory position in the early (pre-9/11) Bush White House. (We were in charge of his Space Commission, based on our long history in…. well…. space.) Hey… nothing succeeds like success. Except perhaps failure, in our case. Anywho, the first thing Newt has asked us to do – aside from grease the diplomatic wheels with any people found on the moon – is to write a national anthem for our nearest neighbor in space. One that duly celebrates his initiative, his genius, and (he also says) his modesty.

So, well…. Matt and I have to get to work on this. Perhaps John can work up some pedal steel parts. We’ve got stuff to do, Marvin – don’t bother me with trifles! (Unless they’re the tasty dessert kind.)

To health in a handbasket.

The Affordable Care Act (what Republicans contemptuously refer to as “Obamacare”) goes before our brilliant Supreme Court this week. Given that the law does yeoman service to preserving the private health insurance industry in America and is therefore a friend to the almighty Corporation, one might expect them to turn back the constitutional challenges on that basis alone. There are, of course, stronger constitutional arguments in favor of the plan – David Cole runs through them in The Nation much more fluently than I could ever attempt to do. I think, though, that we have to see these challenges for what they are, not for an effort to secure something called “economic freedom” which G.O.P. presidential candidates regularly invoke but fail to define.

The challenges are, of course, a cynical delaying tactic and an effort to procure through other means what the Republicans failed to achieve through the legislative process. They have attempted to put a log in the spokes of this effort from the very beginning, despite the fact that the legislation we ended up with is precisely the kind of health reform their party has been advocating for decades. Aside from a slight expansion of those covered by Medicaid, under this legislation health insurance remains in the private sector. Outside of Medicare, Medicaid, and the VA, no one will have government health insurance unless they’re covered by a state plan. So the Republicans’ charge of a “government takeover of health care” is a transparent lie.

I don’t think the AFA is the best solution. I think we should have Medicare for all, expanded sufficiently to eliminate the need for so-called “Medigap” coverage. It would work better, be more efficient, bring better outcomes, and likely cost a great deal less than what we have now. Nevertheless, the AFA has some virtues; it has helped some people keep their coverage. Perhaps most importantly, it establishes the principle of national health insurance – one that we can hopefully build upon in the years to come.

The attack on the personal mandate is laughable, frankly. I’m starting to think that Americans – even though we live in the land of a billion insurance policies – simply do not understand the basic concept of insurance. “I don’t see why I should pay the medical bills of some drunk who sits around watching T.V. all day,” a neighbor of mine once griped. (He’s on Medicare.) Thing is, we already do pay for that guy. If he has no coverage and ends up in the hospital – as pretty much all of us eventually do – ultimately the bill goes to us. It’s a question of how we cover these costs.

People bridle at the notion of government forcing us to purchase something. But (like it or not), government has the right to tax us, correct? The health mandate says, buy a policy; if you can’t afford it, we’ll subsidize you. If you can afford it and refuse, you pay a tax. The fact is, the government is basically taxing everyone to provide universal coverage. Buy a policy and you get out of paying the tax. That’s not forcing you to do anything: you don’t have to buy insurance. But if you want the tax break, that’s what you’ve got to do. What’s unconstitutional about that?

Republicans say they have an alternative, and indeed they do: absolutely nothing. If there’s one thing you can say unequivocally about the AFA, it’s that it is better than nothing.

luv u,

jp

Fruit cup.

These are indeed auspicious days to be Big Green. What the hell am I talking about? I was hoping you would know, good browser.

Yes, just hanging about at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, assembling the next podcast of THIS IS BIG GREEN. Uh-huh, that’s right – we personally assemble each episode by hand. (And no, that’s not the royal “we” – I in fact have a mouse in my pocket.) It’s painstaking work. Ironing out the dross, cutting the vulgarities, tuning up the music, tweaking the costumes (oh yes … we wear costumes on our audio podcast). It is details like these that make for great podcasts. Ours is not one, but … we use the same means that the greats use, with less than great results. I’m being honest, okay. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? (You do? My apologies.)

Okay, so that takes some time. What do we do with the other 23.5 hours in the day? Well…. we’ve actually got a project ahead of us. Yes, another project. It’s not one of those diorama things you used to build for show and tell – you know, a box depicting the battle of the Monitor and the Merrimac, with a starfish thrown in for good measure. Then if you do particularly well on your in-class presentation, you get a little reward – perhaps a star sticker, or an extra fruit cup at lunch time. That’s all good, until you run into that bruiser out on the playground, whose dad left town with some floozie from the Shriners circus last year, and who’s been going around with a chip on his shoulder ever since, and who apparently owns all the playground equipment because if you even go NEAR the see-saw he’ll break you in half, and …

Right… well, I strayed a bit. The project. Remember, way back in the year 2000, when we briefly hooked up with Dubya Bush while he was out on the campaign trail, sharing our interstellar tour bus with the soon-to-be president of these here United States? Well, it helps to know people – that’s all I can say. One introduction leads to another. Because of our experience with extraterrestrial constituencies, the Gingrich campaign has tapped us to be its liaison to the moon people. This could be huge, friends – one of us (Matt, perhaps) could be named ambassador to the moon if the Newt-like object is elected president this fall. How awesome would that be?

Tough commute? No worries. With gas at $2.50 a gallon, it won’t matter a bit.

More of the same.

Israel has been knocking the living hell out of Gaza again this week. This round of bloodshed began with the killing of Zuhair al-Qaissi, head of the Popular Resistance Committees, a militant Palestinian group. Rockets fired into southern Israel in response were supposedly shot down by their new anti-missile system. I will reserve comment on that until I see convincing confirmation that the system worked, having lived through bogus claims about Patriot missile batteries during the Gulf War. I can say, anecdotally, that the one thing I hear repeated by defenders of the Israeli government here in the U.S. is missiles, missiles, missiles. It’s like the G.O.P. candidates talking about gas prices. A million Israelis are under the threat of missile attack, they say.

Little is said about the fact that more than a million and a half Palestinians live constantly under the far more credible threat of attack from the fourth most powerful military in the world. Well over a thousand have been killed in attacks by the IDF over the past three years. Rockets from Gaza have killed about 30 Israelis – too many, clearly, but losses at a whole different order of magnitude from what’s happening on the other side of the Green line. Palestinian deaths have equaled that number just over the past week to ten days. Add this to the fact that, even without being shot or blown up, Palestinians live like dogs in Gaza mostly because it is under a constant state of siege by Israel and a U.S.-led coalition of powerful nations. At the very least, Israelis have some kind of a life between the missiles. Palestinians, not so much.

The fact that Hamas has, in essence, broken with Syria and Iran and are aligning themselves more with the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, which is in that country’s ruling parliamentary coalition, may seem to offer hope of some progress in this bloody standoff. The Egyptian group, a progenitor of Hamas, is no longer a militant organization; it appears to be having a moderating influence on Hamas. Prelude to a peace agreement? Don’t bet on it. If there is one thing the Israeli government fears more than anything else, it is the threat of a negotiated settlement. They prefer to settle things on the battlefield, where they hold a distinct advantage. Negotiations mean giving something up of value, like the 22% of historic Palestine that lies outside of the Green Line, including the West Bank – namely, the territory that would make up a Palestinian state.

Netanyahu, like Sharon, Shamir, and Begin before him, will never allow diplomacy to get in the way of Israel’s expansion of settlements on the West Bank. Expect more IDF attacks in Gaza as negotiations grow more likely.

luv u,

jp

Albumination.

We’re out of the big box retail business. Easy come, easy go. Now what do we do for scratch? Start scratching? What am I, a dee-jay? (Perhaps I am…. )

Leave us face it. As so many of our closest friends and advisors have told us, Big Green’s money-making gene is recessive. The cash bone definitely is not connected to the Green bone. Even when we have a hole to China’s most productive consumer good factory – literally a tunnel to the bank! – it blows up in our faces. The gods want us humble. They have given us a mission, and we must fulfill it. Live simply in an abandoned mill. Make music. Travel to other planets via questionable means. Go forth and do as I tell you. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

What the…. got gods for three minutes and they’re already demanding as hell. Well, you should know that we’re not letting the grass grow under our feet. (Except the mansized tuber, of course – that’s his natural state.) As you may be aware, Matt and I have been busy with our podcast. A grueling monthly broadcast schedule, now in its eighth grueling month. Ever eat gruel for eight months straight? Just try it sometime, Ebeneezer. Even you will be calling for more bread, damn the ha-penny extra. Right…. where was I? Ah, yes. Work. Work, work, work. The podcast demands a great deal out of us – namely, that we turn on the recorder, stand in front of studio mics, and talk total, rambling nonsense like we always do. Then we press stop. (I told you – it’s a great deal.)

Then there are the songs. We’ve done a lot of Cousin Rick Perry songs – it’s becoming a bit of a theme, like Christmas or rare foot diseases. Marvin (my personal robot assistant) has been good enough to help track some of the numbers. In fact, we’re thinking about pulling it together into an album – finishing the songs we threw together for the podcast and putting out an album of Rick Perry themed material. Would the resulting product be an abomination of sorts? Perhaps in the Eyes (or the Ears) of the Almighty Rick. He is among our more sensitive cousins, to be sure.

So, yes, our hands are full, our hearts (and wallets) light, our spirits…. I don’t know, I’ll go with spongy.

To the bottom.

Through the course of the average day during this politically charged season (and, as you know, we are in the midst of a permanent campaign, no end in sight), you are likely to hear all kinds of wild economic claims and predictions. Among the most impressive, in my humble opinion, is Gingrich’s $2.50-a-gallon gas promise. We expect no less from the once and future King of the Moon People. A big idea man. The thing about big ideas is that they can also be bad ideas. In the case of the $2.50 gas, though, we’re talking more about excessive blowhardism and the usual type of empty pandering you see from seasoned politicians like Gingrich. Last presidential election, it was drill, baby, drill! This time, it’s pappy cheap-gas. Also, pappy tax cut, as always – that one never gets old.

This is where the faulty economic theory part comes in. Take pretty much any one of the Republican candidates’ tax plans, to the extent that they’ve been articulated thus far. Romney, for instance, is touting a 20% across-the-board tax cut. What he’s actually talking about is raising taxes on the bottom third of wage earners, which the G.O.P. field has for several months been describing as woefully undertaxed. Meanwhile, at the top end, the richest of the rich (i.e. the parents of kids too rich to want to hang around with Richy Rich), folks will be seeing an extra $400K or so in their yearly income. All well and good, right? These are the “job creators”, right? The folks who fired your ass so they could afford a second Bentley. They were the ones paying too much, as George W. Bush lamented back in 2000 (which he later fixed with his massive tax cuts).

All right, except that at the same time they argue for a balanced budget, fiscal discipline, etc. – a trope that has grown more insistent by half since the White House changed hands in 2009. Bush’s tax cuts blew a hole in the federal budget you could drive the Nimitz through; in fact, they planned for it to expire after a decade and put a lot of the cost in the out years so as to bring down the impact. But they – meaning Bush, Cheney, budget director Mitch Daniels, and others – certainly knew that the sunset provision would be meaningless, simply because of the politics of “raising” taxes (e.g. letting cuts expire). Romney’s plan would add to that deficit in spades, prompting massive cuts in social services, infrastructure spending, aid to states, you name it. That would put us in a Greece-like downward spiral – cuts that lead to economic contraction, which negatively affects tax revenues, opening a wider budget gap, which brings on more cuts, etc. Rinse and repeat.

The best they can offer is a race to the bottom. That’s why we have to push back. If they gain control of the budget process again, Greece is the word, my friends.

luv u,

jp

Crash of 12.

Call out the marines. Get the cops down here. Somebody plugged our money hole… and this could be a problem.

Yeah, I know … all good things come to an end, right? We were just starting to get traction as the next big-box store. Our theme is that of an abandoned mill… all of our stores look like abandoned mills. (Note: we only have one store, and it’s in an abandoned mill.) We have a mascot, Marvin (my personal robot assistant), and a jokey spokes vegetable, the mansized tuber, who we were thinking would wheel his way through quirky television commercials, speaking in a British… no, Aussie accent. Perhaps German accent. We haven’t worked out that part yet. He would show up in board rooms and on cruise ships … at least the ones that don’t tip over or catch on fire.

And hell, with the help of our marketing advisor, Noname, on loan from the A and R representative at our corporate label, Loathsome Prick Records, we even had an expansion plan on the board, with a big map and hexagonal icons representing new store locations in Boise, Idaho, Keokuk, Iowa, Redmond, Washington, and about a thousand other locations. Big Green was even planning to go global, with outlets in Spain, Qatar, Estonia, Sri Lanka (of course), and down under somewhere (or something). It was a bold, ambitious plan … one that made our militant cartoon neighbor, Gung-Ho, fairly salivate with envy. All of the lands HE wanted to conquer, spread out invitingly before him on a topographical map. Oh, the envy!

But… that was then, this is … OWW! (Forgive me. Marvin just rolled over my right foot.) One day this past week, the free consumer goods, once so plentiful, simply stopped flying out of that hole in the floor Mitch Macaphee burned with Trevor James Constable’s Orgone Generating Machine. (I know… that’s a little hard to parse. Just look back a few weeks, you’ll get it.) We just sold the last programmable toaster yesterday. All out of custom! Even worse, the hole emitted a parting gift of sorts – namely, a bill of lading for everything that had flown out over the past three weeks. And it’s considerable. I didn’t know a number could have that many zeroes behind it. (A google-plex, perhaps?)

So there you have it. The once mighty Green-mart empire, brought low by an interloper on the other side of this wretched globe. Curses! (Ahem…. hurt my throat, there.)

Getoutistan.

The first question I asked myself when I heard about the Koran burning incident in Afghanistan was, how could anyone make this mistake? What were the circumstances of the burning? For chrissake, everyone knows what the consequences of such an act are likely to be. When that crackpot preacher in Florida was ostentatiously threatening to burn the Muslim holy book, diplomats, generals, political leaders, clergy … people all across the country and around the world were applying pressure on him not to do this. It is deeply inflammatory – this is widely known.

My second thought was, this is not simply about burning Korans. This incident followed ten years of war and all the evils that are contained within that fact. It occurred during a stretch of weeks in which we saw cell-phone video of American soldiers laughing and joking as they pissed on the corpses of Afghans; our military personnel adopting an SS-type insignia for one of their units; our Defense Department persisting in its robotic Drone war on both sides of the Pakistani border. Now Afghans are turning their guns on our people. Is anyone really surprised?

Here’s the problem: we just cannot see this issue clearly. Even on liberal MSNBC, it becomes a question of those ungrateful Afghans, railing against their funders and protectors from the U.S. It is portrayed as a component of Karzai’s corruption, a favorite meme of the mainstream political culture, leaving aside the inconvenient fact that he was planted in the country by the Bush administration, had been an exile Afghan fixer for fossil fuel industry prior to his tenure as head of a severely ailing country. We need to get past this idea that they owe us something. The Afghans owe us nothing. We screwed them severely during the years of the Soviet war, back in the 1980s. We screwed them afterwards, leaving them to an internecine struggle that tore what was left of the country apart. Then came 9/11, which we laid at their door, though the cave-dwelling Bin Laden was only the head of an al Qaeda snake that coiled from Saudi Arabia to Germany to Florida and beyond.

Bin Laden is dead. He wasn’t even in Afghanistan. He was safe and dry in Pakistan, laughing at our folly. What the hell are we still doing there?

luv u,

jp

Lock, stock, and barrel.

Is that the time? Right – time to close up for the day. It’s 4:20 in the afternoon and I’ve been slaving away for nearly half an hour. Shut it down.

Woe is he who must labor in vain. I don’t know what that means, but whatever… your friends in Big Green are proprietors for the nonce. That means we have proprietary interests, perhaps for the first time in our lives. And you know what they say… as soon as you get a stake in the world, it’s all over. Kiss your altruism goodbye, my little scaly friend. Forget your deeply held values – this is cash, Jimmy-boy, cold hard cash! To hell with all that other stuff. All we care about is pushing product out the door at a tidy profit.

What products? Hey…. whatever comes flying out of that hole to China. Mitch Macaphee burned a tunnel through the earth so clean, it doesn’t even whistle when it spins (and it should). Now it’s like one of those air-tube delivery systems in an old department store. On the other end, probably just outside the gates of a Foxcon plant, somebody’s dropping consumer items into a hole … and they come flying out of the opening in our forge room floor moments later. It’s a tunnel to the bank, my friend.

Okay, so… on our marketing advisor Noname’s recommendation, we opened a storefront in the Mill that we’re calling, “GREENMART”. People come in with plastic shopping carts they borrow from the supermarket up the street and load up on cheap swag built by slave labor – an all-American pastime if ever there was one. (And there was one.) Marvin (my personal robot assistant) has been working the cash register, so to speak. Actually… there is no cash register. Marvin just does the calculations using his own processor unit, then spits out a receipt. He even takes major credit cards, which is news to me. (If I’d known that during our last tour, I would never have hocked my Bean Boots for that hoagie back on Neptune.)

Yes, I know… this is like selling stuff that fell off the back of a truck. Where’s the outrage? Ask Bob Dole.