All posts by Joe

Joe Perry is co-founder of the band Big Green and brother to Matt Perry, other co-founder of Big Green. Shall I go on?
Usual Rubbish

Under the holiday hood.

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Man goddamn, it’s come and gone again, hasn’t it? Those freaking holidays seem to take fifty years to get here and then they’re gone in five seconds. And we’ve only done one miracle ride!*

Anyway, as some of you already know, we have posted our second annual Christmas podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN: Holidaze 2012, a nearly 100-minute extravaganza that dwarfs even the titanic pointlessness of last year’s effort and renders anew the promise of fractured Christmases to come. Many of you know that I am not given to wild exaggeration, but I have to say that THIS holiday special is THE MOST AMAZING HOLIDAY SPECIAL since the BIRTH of THE JESUS. Let me emphasize that I have to say that because, well, our sponsor, Hegemonic Records and Worm Farm, Inc., has demanded a higher number of downloads on this episode. And when they don’t get what they want, they get something else … which is ugly. So… gun to my head, I most certainly would.

All right – no lie, there is a lot in this episode. Here’s a run-down of the hoedown, with times listed, so you can skip to the parts you like:

    • Ned Trek V (3:18 ) – Mr. Ned and Willard take another romp through the inter-dimensional void of classic television shows, with hilarious consequences. (Introduced as always by a particularly cheesy-sounding Lee Majors.)
    • Put The Phone Down (39:20) – Matt and I launch right in to a lively holiday discussion. Riveting, as usual.
    • Charlie in the Box and the first Semi-Automatic Christmas (42:45) – A whimsical tale of Charlie, Hermy, and the putsch in Santa’s workshop. (a Reeking-Ass production.)

A nice gift idea. From crazy town.

  • Song: Merry Christmas, Children (59:40) – New recording of a previously unreleased Christmas song Matt wrote back in the day. We tried to produce this song for 2000 Years To Christmas, but ended up abandoning the track. This was done over the last three weeks or so.
  • Song: Father Christmas (1:06:43) – Another from Matt’s ample stable of Christmas songs – a new, previously unreleased recording, just in time for freaking Christmas. Again, recorded over the last few weeks – lightning fast for us. Mixed it in my sleep as you can probably tell.
  • Song: Martha’s Christmas (1:12:04) – A cut off of our 1999 album 2000 Years to Christmas. A brief, ironic (because it was the ’90s) ode to the doyen of holiday decor, Martha Stewart.
  • Song: Christmas Spirit (1:17:23) – More from the Matt Perry Christmas songbook. New recording of a previously unreleased song, this one a nod to Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. A little more holiday mythology, hurriedly recorded and packaged with a bow.
  • Matt’s Christmas Bird Count tale (1:20:00) – Matt tells of getting impaled on an invasive species of weed while managing the annual bird survey. A chilling tale of heroism.
  • Song: Head Cheese Log (1:35:09) – Another cut from 2000 Years To Christmas, this one the album closer, a calliope waltz imagining a yule log made of head cheese. Yeah, we got some ‘splainin’ to do, but that bus left the station a long time ago, friend.

Anywho, that’s what we have in the Christmas stocking for you all. (There may be a moldy orange in the heel, as well – take a look.) If you want to hear the music without the podcast, contact us and we’ll put it together for you. Enjoy!

* “Miracle ride” involves driving around looking at cheesy Christmas displays, referred to by Big Green co-founder Ned Danison as “Christmas miracles.”

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This Is Big Green: Holidaze 2012

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This Is Big Green: Holidaze (December) 2012

Big Green marks the pagan holiday known as Christmas with a full-blown installment of Ned the talking horse, three new Big Green songs, and more. Dig it.

This is Big Green – Holidaze 2012. Features: 1) Ned Trek V, starring Mr. Ned, Romney’s Dancing Horse; 2) Skit: Charlie in the Box and the first semi-automatic Christmas; 3) Put the phone down: Holidays and the recently departed remembered; 4) Song: Merry Christmas, Children, by Big Green; 5) Song: Father Christmas, by Big Green; 6) Song: Martha’s Christmas, by Big Green; 7) Song: Christmas Spirit, by Big Green; 8 ) Matt’s encounter with an invasive species; 9) Song: Head Cheese Log, by Big Green; 10) We collapse in festive exhaustion

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Usual Rubbish

Readying.

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The studio is stuffed to the gills already. Yes, it has gills! How do you think it breathes underwater? Didn’t you go to grammar school? Oh, right.

Sometimes I forget that Marvin (my personal robot assistant) isn’t an undereducated human like myself. He is, in fact, a mechanical man. Much must be explained to him, and what can’t be explained must be programmed in by force, if necessary. That’s the lot of a robot assistant, I’m afraid. Work, work, work.

Anyhow… the quintessential American holiday is now over. (We also survived that day that comes before Black Friday … what do they call it? Thanksgiving?) Time to fold up the balloons, disassemble the parade floats, and send the marching bands marching home. While many find the Macy parade enjoyable, it is not a simple matter to serve as the end point of that annual extravaganza. Just finding enough space to store deflated Spiderman is proving more challenging than you might imagine. Sure, without air in his ass, he’s smaller, but – and this is important – not all that much smaller. And then there’s those freaking Smurfs.


As you can imagine, every nook and cranny in the mill is stuffed with gear from the parade. You can hardly turn around in the studio these days. Still, we press on. Matt and I did a couple more mixes for Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick this past week. Gonna be a bit hard with all these deflated balloons lying around, but we’ll manage. Fortunately, many of Rick’s songs are country-like numbers, so the mixing is fairly simple. We take a naturalist approach – not too much FX, not too much compression. Just record it clean, mix it pure, and pour it into a tall, clear glass to check for impurities before quaffing it down. Pure audio ambrosia, that’s what I’m talking about. Sure ding.

We’re also furiously preparing for the holiday episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN. Last year raised the bar a bit – two hours of pure horseshit. Not sure how to top that without a bigger shovel, but we’ll try.

Political Rants

Over the edge.

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The fiscal cliff is just ahead. Be afraid, be afraid! Are you afraid yet? Well, you’re supposed to be. Going over the “fiscal cliff” is the worst thing that can possibly happen – worse even than … I don’t know … losing your Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc.

Friends, this is the oldest trick in the book. Our leaders have done their best to bankrupt the government over the last decade and a half, coupling undeclared wars with massive tax cuts, crashing the economy through their vaunted hands-off approach to the financial sector, etc. Now when it comes time to pay the tab, guess who’s picking it up? Not a big surprise that they’re running out on the check. They only do it every freaking time.

Listening to the series of Republican interviews that is NPR the other day, I heard some talk of raising the Medicare eligibility age as one means of covering their failed fiscal policy decisions. That has to take the prize as the stupidest idea ever proposed. Sure, take the youngest people out of the Medicare system – the people who need the least care! That’s a surefire way to bankrupt the program, which I’m sure is their ultimate aim. The G.O.P. has always hated Medicare, almost as much as they hate Social Security, despite their claims to the contrary. If they were truly serious about saving money, they would be expanding Medicare to include younger, healthier people, not the other way around.

The thing we have to watch like the proverbial hawk is our election year friends, the Democratic Party. We need to remind them who gave them victory a few weeks ago. We need to encourage them to challenge the Republicans on their fealty to the same failed policies Milton Friedman advocated decades ago, on their determination to protect the private tyranny that is the health insurance industry. We need to encourage them to do the right thing, no less.

That is what we should be focusing on, not irrational fear.

luv u,

jp

Usual Rubbish

Helladay house.

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What? What time is it? It’s too early, tubey. You’ll get your Miracle Gro at 9:00 and not before. Christ on a bike.

Oh, hi out there. As I’m sure you already know, the morning after Thanksgiving is always a force to be reckoned with. Especially when you have a mansized tuber who has just discovered juicing. (He’s trying to win some of his bi-weekly pickup basketball games, but I think even with the Miracle Gro he’s reaching.) Morning starts kind of early around here – sometimes before noon, even. (You fellow rock musicians out there better sit down: There is a thing called morning. It’s not just another hallucination. That’s right … I’m talking to you, pothead.)

Excuse that digression. Hope you had a wonderful, glorious Thanksgiving, full of holiday cheer and/or anticipation (if you spent most of it queueing up in front of Wal-Mart or Best Buy). Perhaps you spent part of your morning watching the bizarre spectacle known as the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I certainly did. It’s kind of a tradition around the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, where you don’t ordinarily get exposed to a lot of unfiltered promotional messages (aside from the ones that come on soup can labels).

Little known fact about the Hammer Mill: This is actually the end-point of the T-day parade. It’s a lot longer a procession than most people think. Folks get the mistaken impression that the march ends with the arrival of ersatz Santa Claus in front of Macy’s. Not true. For most of the next day and a half, the floats and balloons come marching up the West Side Highway, take the G.W. Bridge over to the Palisades Parkway, then pick up the NYS Thruway and process all the way up to the Little Falls exit. In a gesture of magnanimous welcome, we throw the compound doors open to them and allow them into the Hammer Mill courtyard for a little R&R. Then Mitch Macaphee and Marvin (my personal robot assistant) aid their technicians in deflating the enormous parade balloons and packing them away for another year. True* story.

Sure, you thought Christmas was just a throwaway songwriting theme for us. Oh ye of little faith.

* Note: veracity of story subject to unverifiable truth conditions. Contact Big Green for details.

Political Rants

Gaza misery.

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All-out war has been averted in Gaza. That’s a good thing. The bad thing? More than 160 Palestinians were killed over the last week, more than half of them (in excess of 90 individuals) were civilians. Speaking on Public Radio International, Israel’s Deputy Foreign Minister Danny Ayalon said that “most of the people hit in Gaza deserved it“. Earlier today, with the cease-fire in place, a Palestinian man was shot along the border of Gaza inside what the IDF terms a “no-go” zone, but also in an area transited by Palestinian farmers on the way to their fields. This is not an unusual occurrence and is probably only being reported in the U.S. because of the conflict/cease fire story. This happens all the freaking time.

You don’t have to be a cynic to believe that Netanyahu wanted this flare-up, with elections just weeks away. He is following in a long tradition of Israeli political leaders who know that the iron fist earns votes. Already he has reconfigured his political coalition from a center-right to a more extreme right grouping, including the nationalist Yisrael Beiteinu party headed by current Israeli foreign minister Avigdor Lieberman, a man who wants all Israeli Arabs – 20% of Israel’s population – to sign loyalty oaths and who has openly advocated for their expulsion. The bet appears to have paid off politically – a large majority in Israel favored the attack on Gaza. They have their problems, we have ours, it seems.

I am encouraged, at least, that the Palestinians in Gaza are getting their story told to some degree in the United States, the land where the money for Israel’s military comes from. I have heard in-depth commentary and reporting on Gaza over the last week that simply did not exist on cable television four years ago when the last murderous campaign (“Cast Lead”) ensued. Still, I’m doubtful that the majority of Americans understand the degree to which this is not a conflict between equals. Israel has had the Palestinians in Gaza under sustained attack for six years now, not that what came before was any bed of roses. Hamas may have a rudimentary offensive missile capability, but it’s nothing against the fourth most powerful military in the world. And anyone who distinguishes the lot of Gazans from that of Palestinians on the West Bank and in East Jerusalem, who are being steadily bereft of their land, acre by acre, day by day, is simply not confronting reality.

In Gaza, the battle may be over, but the war is their daily life. They deserve our attention and our non-violent support.

luv u,

jp

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This Is Big Green: Thanksgaffing 2012

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This Is Big Green:
Thanksgaffing (November) 2012

Big Green celebrates the harvest feasting season with a rich menu that includes two previously unreleased Big Green rough tracks, an extended Mr. Ned in Space episode, and more. Over the river … and out.

Features: 1) Song: My Bed, by Big Green; 2) Mr. Ned, Romney’s Dancing Horse, Episode 4; 3) Put the phone down: Election post-mortem with Matt; 4) Excoriating, John McCain; 5) Song: Box of Crackers, by Big Green; 6) Matt lectures at Gander Mountain, looks ahead to hunting season; 7) Remembering George McGovern; 8.) Song: It should’ve been me, by Rick Perry and the Dapper Dudes; 9) Time for us to go

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Usual Rubbish

Splitting Lincoln.

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I think I left my guitar plugged in. I’ve been hearing that buzzing all night freaking long. What’s that? It’s the orgone generating device? Jesus on a bike … that thing again?

Hey howdy. Welcome back to the hammer mill. Who won the Lincoln contest? Still up in the air. My bets are on Anti-Lincoln, but that’s just a hunch. He does have an ace in the hole – namely, Trevor James Constable’s orgone generating device, the monstrosity of modern engineering that brought him here from the past in the first place. Anti-Lincoln seems to think that by stepping into that thing and turning it up to eleven, he’ll get the full Daniel Day Lewis treatment.

Never can tell what’ going to happen with mad science technology. Just ask Mitch Macaphee – he invented Marvin (my personal robot assistant) after all. Anyway, anti-Lincoln must have dialed the wrong settings into that orgone generating device because it split him into two equal parts: Jerry Lewis and Doris Day. Close, right? Fortunately, that thing has an undo button. I like the 1950s as much as any man (which may, in fact, amount to not at all) but I don’t want dead decades following me around like  a zombie. Ever have that problem? Thought so.

Well, we’ve got another podcast in the can. Another groundbreaking episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, featuring as many as three songs (including one previously unreleased Rick Perry number), a rather lengthy and convoluted episode of Ned, the Talking Dressage Horse, and the usual copious amount of pointless blather my illustrious brother and I put forth on a monthly basis. Fortunately, it doesn’t cost much … in fact, it doesn’t cost anything at all. Free media! Liberty! That’s what podcasting is all about, right? That’s why we’re aboard her…… Oh, right. I should keep the Star Trek quotes to a minimum. My apologies.

Best move along. We’re expecting workmen any minute. There are still a few copper pipes left in the hammer mill, so they’ll be stopping by to remove them. (In lieu of rent.)

Political Rants

The admiral.

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A little more than a week after the election, and McCain is at it again. God, I wish he would stick to making frozen sweet potato french fries! (That’s not him? My bad.) He is vowing to get to the bottom of this … my word … bigger than average scandal surrounding the attack on the Benghazi consulate and the killing of ambassador Chris Stevens and his security detail. The Senator is so determined that he held a press conference while the committee he chairs was receiving testimony from the CIA in closed session. That’s right … he skipped the session where details of the attack were being disclosed to complain that the administration has refused to disclose details of the attack.

Seemingly freakish and perhaps the product of a superannuated brain, McCain is simply clinging to the mast of the ship he’s been commanding since his arrival in the Senate. The Benghazi controversy was cooked up during the campaign to try to drive a wedge into Obama’s national security advantage. The biggest mistake the administration made was likely one of too much disclosure as opposed to too little – while Romney was railing against them for “apologizing” to the killers of Chris Stevens, the administration attempted to quell the issue by releasing more details than anyone could have confidently claimed were reliable at the time. Now that Romney has lost, McCain is left with the issue, defending his ground to the last.

Of course, Obama’s pushback during his news conference got McCain’s famous temper going, and he’s been yelling at Obama to get off of his lawn ever since. This is kind of pathetic, frankly. The man is clinging to his tattered reputation as a foreign policy hawk, throwing bombs wildly and somewhat inaccurately. (My guess is that his bombing runs over North Vietnam were a bit scattershot as well.) The admiral needs to calm down, take his pill, and think about his constituents for five minutes.

Both of Obama’s presidential election opponents were heard from this week. But even with Romney’s doubling-down on his 47% sentiment to his donors, he sounded like less of a crank than his predecessor from four years earlier. We dodged a bullet both times, but particularly in 2008.

luv u,

jp

Usual Rubbish

Honest, Abe?

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No, no. Not that hat. That’s a porkpie hat. Don’t you know anything? The great emancipator would never have worn a hat like that. Not unless he played the saxophone. (Did he play the saxophone? Best ask.)

Oh, right…. I’m keying this into the internets, not merely speaking to some disembodied listener. What was I thinking? Right, well…. as busy as things get here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill in beautiful upstate New York, we never seem to stop finding other things to do with our time. Last week Marvin (my personal robot assistant) discovered numismatics … with a little encouragement from his creator, Mitch Macaphee, who was really attempting to program a penchant for petty larceny into his brass hide. Not one of Mitch’s proudest moments, convincing Marvin that lifting stray coins out of people’s pockets is how coin collecting works. (That mad science grant from the Cato Institute must not have come through.)

Anyway, there was that. Then there was the new Steven Spielberg movie about Lincoln, starring Daniel Day Lincoln. That naturally perked up more than a few ears around this hammer mill, let me tell you … four ears in particular: the ones on Lincoln and his anti-matter doppelganger, Anti-Lincoln, both still acting as historical figures in residence with Big Green. Well, naturally enough, Lincoln (the positive one) took issue with some of the historical details in the new film. “I never said that!” I could hear him exclaim as he watched his pirated copy. “And that crap about vampires – none of that ever happened!” (I  think he got his hands on the wrong DVD, frankly, but… it’s not my place to say anything.)

Anti-Lincoln, on the other hand, was strangely pensive about the whole matter. I thought for sure, with his irrepressible temper, that he would blow sky high, rail at the heavens, demanding justice and revenge. Nothing of the sort. He’s been doing a Lincoln Memorial imitation now for the last three days. I just can’t get a rise out of him. I’ll tell you, nature abhors a vacuum, so it may not surprise you that some of the other denizens and hangers-on we have around the hammer mill are getting into the Lincoln act, trying to channel Anti-Lincoln’s stifled rage. Mansized tuber is one, though he can’t get the hat quite right. And don’t even ask about Marvin’s dime store beard.

Well, we’ll work it all out, I’m certain. Now … back to the podcast hellscape.