Hello, this is central control. Central control to Marvin (my personal robot assistant). Do you copy, Marvin? Of course not. Who on Earth would copy Marvin?
Well, I seem to have the mill to myself today. The place is as quiet as a grave, albeit a very drafty one. Dank, too … or maybe the word is acrid. Musty … that’s what I’m looking for. Anyway, everyone seems to have taken the week off. I hear it’s spring break week for the kiddies at all the local schools, so maybe my various associates all have secret lives involving school age children and tickets to Disney World. Can’t say for certain – Anti Lincoln has been looking a little extra suburban just lately.
For my own part, I have filled my time with something very unproductive – watching TV. I binge watched all ten episodes of the new Lost In Space reboot, and I think I’m ready for some kind of high tech media purge. Since I have no self-control and even less in the way of formal responsibilities, I will take this opportunity to render a brief review for your edification. Ahem … it doesn’t entirely blow, but there are aspects of it that do. Fun to watch, but it has some issues that are not unlike the original, super-campy TV show. Let me ‘splain. First I’ll put my T.V. critic hat on. You know, the one that makes you mean and nasty.
First off, the basic premise of the Lost In Space reboot is, if anything, weaker than the original. They land on the planet Colorado, it appears. Mind you, they have reconfigured some of the plot devices used in the original, so the alien world has an eccentric elliptical orbit that brings it waaaaay too close to a black hole (in the original, it was the planet’s sun) causing everything to burn to a crisp. They aren’t clear on what the annual cycle is, but I assume it’s short since they seem to be heading for the hot spot of the orbit. So … they’re saying that everything on the planet dies and is reborn, but we’re seeing massive, mature stands of forest, complex animal life, including apex predators … what the hell? A random scientist on the show tells us the trees have only one ring. They’re eighty feet tall! Ridiculous.
Then there’s that robot. For chrissake, they could have just rented Marvin from me for a few weeks. We could have used the revenue, frankly. And instead of re-orchestrating the original third-season heavy-on-the-french-horns theme song, we would have been glad to provide them with suitable space music. Not a problem, producers … all you got to do is call.
Bottom line: it’s kind of meh, but watchable. Well, is that the time? Thanks for taking that detour with me. Tune in next week – I’ll be reviewing Father Ted.
