We don’t have a garage. This is an abandoned hammer mill, built when people didn’t have cars. There is no garage here, get me? Now DON’T CALL HERE AGAIN! (Click! buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. )
Got to love these small town managers. It’s bad enough that they pass an ordinance against squatting in abandoned properties (something Lincoln is convinced is aimed directly at us, lawyer that he is); now they’ve got one against all night parking. Thing is, we – that is to say, the core members of the musical collective known as Big Green – don’t even have cars. We’re not parking overnight on the street because we’ve got nothing to park. No, no – they’re complaining about the big, blimp-like space vehicle we rented for our recent interstellar tour, which is still hovering over the mill like some kind of sales promotion. (The owner has yet to pick it up.) The town would hang tickets on the thing if they could find a ladder long enough. (They’re talking to the fire department right now. This could get ugly.)
So many distractions. How the hell is a man supposed to produce a podcast? Matt and I have yet to finish our Christmas episode, and time is running short, as you all know. We may have to …. cancel … Christmas. There’s nothing I can do; it’s this weather…. Oops, sorry. I started channeling Rankin-Bass’s “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Retail Bonanza”. I mean Reindeer. It’s not about the weather at all. It’s about time, it’s about space, about two men in the….. D’oh! Damn you, 1960’s television! Get out of my head!
Okay, to be fair, it’s not like we haven’t made any progress on our Christmas episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN. We have done the basic tracks for at least two previously unreleased Big Green Christmas songs. We are going to resurrect an outtake from our 1999 album 2000 Years To Christmas – another previously unreleased Big Green song – specifically for the occasion. There will be other musical oddities, including yet another performance by Cousin Rick Perry, governor of Texas, presidential candidate, and… and…. something else. I can’t remember the third thing. Oops.
So listen, mo-fo’s, we’ve got some work to do. A present to wrap, if you will. I’m taking the phone off the hook.
