Let’s see, what was it? Spring back, fall forward. Right? Yeah, that makes sense. Set the clocks back, kids… it’s really only 11:00 in the morning.
Hiya. Yeah, I know… the Daylight Savings Time thingy was days ago. We’re running a little behind here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, here in lovely (rainy) central New York. (That’s why we need to set those clocks BACK, damnit, BACK!) Lost inside this cavernous hulk of a building, you lose track of time sometimes…. especially if you wander into Mitch Macaphee’s laboratory. (Yes, he’s been messing with time again. So if you’re discovering crows feet you didn’t notice a day or two ago, it’s all down to him.) And that’s just one of the many hazards we have to deal with on a daily basis. They say show business is a dangerous trade, but “they” never spent a week in Big Green‘s shoes, no sir. Between the mad science projects, the lingering orgone generation field left over from Trevor James Constable’s patented device, the discarded soap sculptures left carelessly on the stairs, etc., we’re lucky to make it through the week alive. (Not sure we do, actually. MAYBE NOT. EVER THINK OF THAT?)
Whoa, I’m freaking myself out. Okay… this is for the benefit of “them” that do not know anything about 
Big Green and our uncommon lifestyle. And before I go on, yes, I did say discarded soap sculptures. Marvin (my personal robot assistant) has been going through one of his creative phases of late, and has taken to whittling figurines out of bar soap. This is a little inconvenient, as we are going through lean times and we haven’t a bar of soap to spare, quite frankly. It’s also inconvenient because he leaves his discarded shavings and abandoned projects lying around where they end up under foot… like on those bloody brick stairs. (And by “bloody,” I now mean literally.) Damned self-absorbed artists! And Marvin’s still getting spammed – look at this:
Marvin
Our “Reverse the Recession” promotion has been extended to accept an additional 1,000 customers. If you have any upcoming need for working capital, unsecured business credit, equipment purchases, facility upgrades, etc., we should definitely talk. Here’s the scoop:
The first 1,000 customers to apply for a lease or loan will receive a $500 Visa Gift Card if they finance through Direct Capital.*
Marvin – This fills up rapidly. Please call me at (877) 322-9235 so I can give you details or at the very least reserve your spot now by visiting this site: promo.directcapital.com/372/MarvinDrelich1
Thanks,
Thomas
These fuckers never give up. Right, now back to my lifestyle point. Hmmm…. What was it again?
Oh, yeah. Here’s a window into our world. Every morning at the crack of noon I get up, shake the sawdust off my bedspread (termites!), limp to the doorway of my converted claw-hammer test lab bedroom, and start making my way down the corridor to the rusted remnants of a factory bathroom. After a quick scrub, I sneak past Mitch Macaphee’s lab, pass through the time portal left over from Trevor James’s experiments, and (if I don’t emerge in restrictive 18th century garb) proceed to the cellar where we keep our studio. Then I have six fingers of brandy. Just a bracer, you understand.
That’s a day in the life. Try it sometime. Or not. (It helps when you have a robot assistant.)
