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Home of the World's Original Dis- Corporate Pop Group. Back issues of:NOTES FROM SRI LANKA.
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2000 Years To Christmas Contents: 6. Merry Christmas, Jane (Pt. 1) 12. Merry Christmas, Jane (Pt. 2)
Strange Christmas Christmas time is here I can use my hands to lift another shovel-full Clear the winter land Whistle while you work Smoke up your machines Take away the ancient wood replace them with a hole There's nothing unacceptable to... Oh, you are a strange people Your heads are filled with cork You are so strange Hold your sugar thoughts There's reindeer on the roof Half their blood is anti-freeze Above their head are points Someone take their burdens down Hey, the self-proclaimed keeper I've watched you from afar There's nothing in your cave You are the classic case On Christmas I compare You win the monkey prize You are a strange people Your heads are filled with cork You are so strange Holiday It's a curse to hear the ringing of a bell and I am cursed to my mettle, I'm in hell I can't forget there is acid in the clouds I can't abide your face, it's smiling so loud Holiday You can pucker your lips on this holiday You can banish the ships of this malcontent I run away from your whistle and I hide away I tuck myself into the marrow of a grave Holiday You can toast your toast on this holiday You can get the most of your holiday You can pucker your lips on this holiday You can banish the ships of this malcontent This malcontent Martha's Christmas There's a plum for Santa's head There's a kiwi for his sled You can see a world of ideas We wait breathless for her show It's on Christmas time, you know You can find a world of ideas Oh-oh, we were born without the message That our holidays can be custom And our hands can be as sacred as hers Just as sacred She takes a stencil to some cream She makes feather evergreens She rolls with the appropriate theme She makes sugar into string She rigs up everything You can find her full of ideas Oh-oh, she's a yuppie and she's clever And I look like I've got stigmata I will follow her forever and ever and forever and ever and forever Like in the testament of old She's a character so bold She entertains the anti-Christ But that's water 'neath the bridge There's no stain on her image You can find a world of ideas Oh-oh, we were born without the message That our holidays can be custom And our hands can be as sacred as hers Just as sacred as hers, just as sacred as hers Just as sacred Vital Signs White sheets descend on fields I've known Each country mile and block of stone My eyes confound the frosted lens My hand ignores the fossil friend Saints preserved nothing here Their vital signs are dry as bones Take the sacred bones Let's wire them up Get some doctor's books Do you know a Christmas dance? Six weak legs will force themselves Six blind ears will strain to hear electric lights the size of pins They blink and stand on webs of ice Wanderers on sea of coal will converge, the dry old bones Take the sacred bones Let's wire them up Get some doctor's stands Do you know the Christmas waltz? Saints preserved nothing here They make me feel their dry old bones Pagan Christmas You're a standing invitation You're a complete stranger at the top of the list You're just like a relation You'll be right there with us while we're tearing away at our gifts And you'll stand there gleaming with a ton of decorations You're not very different In a couple of minutes I'll be heating you up You're not very different In a couple of hours I'll be serving you up on a plate And you'll sit there gleaming with a ton of trimmings at your side Have yourself a Merry Pagan Christmas Sacrifice You weren't very crucial Anyone could've done it if they fit into your shoes You weren't very crucial Anyone could've stood in for the human sacrifice Anyone could be as tortured Hanging there as tortured meat set in the sun to dry Have yourself a Merry Pagan Christmas Sacrifice Merry Christmas, Jane (Part 1) You take some particle board and you submerge it You carve it out and you, you paint it Merry Christmas, little Jane Santa missed you again but Jesus knows you by name Jesus knows you, little Jane and He's doing what He can He tries to help you Oh, Jane He says whatever He can to stop your crying He borrows from books that He just doesn't believe in He'd use any tool at His disposal He'd try anything, and He don't mind lying You take a metal pipe and you, you heat it You stretch it out and you, you twist it Merry Christmas, little Jane Daddy misplaced your friends but Jesus knows you by name Jesus knows you, little Jane and He's doing what He can Tries to help you Oh, Jane Merry Christmas, Tarzan And for Christmas, Great White Hunter May you get all you deserve May you collect up from the jungle A blow to your great nerve And for Christmas, Great White Hunter May your triggers be in vain May the water of the jungle Warp your great white aim May you never find our Tarzan taking gratuities Or leading out a party tying baby goats to trees Let's keep our Christmas secret And let the pagans be And for Christmas, little Cheetah May you keep your Anglo friend May you share the tropical presents And beware all other white men May you never find our Tarzan has succumbed to gravity Or been rolling over creatures with Rhodes' propensity Hide the nightmare of white Christmas And leave the jungle be Wrap Up World War I It's Christmas time and I can be warm A barbarian sings of peace I can be moved On the front all is quiet A Bavarian's dropped his flag I can relax The flag is down My gun is down and I have the courage to climb out If we are done the war is done On Christmas, the Great War is done On Christmas, we wrap up World War I Up the chain all is warm The designers are in their homes I can mock them The flag is down My gun is down and I have the courage to climb out If we are done the war is done On Christmas, the Great War is done On Christmas, we wrap up World War I On Christmas, we wrap up World War I Same Old Same Old It's the same ol', same ol' And I loathe it I threw it out And I caught it I gave it up long ago And I kept it So what? It's just the definition that I hate It's the same ol', same ol' dreary repeat The Christmas Season And I dread it I shut it off And I received it I closed my ears to the old themes Then I played them Oh, no It's such a gross condition of my head It's the same ol', same ol' dreary repeat The Christmas Season And I dread it It's just the definition that I hate All Saints Come All saints come and give praise and they bow down and they bend down to assemble themselves All you have is good faith and you come short and you can't seem to tie your own shoes All the good people will find out in all good time In time fair people will arrive at the same mind Good Lord, you are one thing, you're in one place and all men, they collect what they please Man Of The People Give me a nice icicle for when the winter is gone I want a cold stick to suck on when the weather turns warm I want assurance and the best of both worlds Give me a whopping great wedge of your famous apple pie Send me a contract that boldly proclaims that it's mine I want insurance and your written guarantee I always thought you were a man of the people I always thought you were a man of the people The words that get back are not from you The man who preached to a crowd by the river Now some have you pinned down as a circus king Now some have you pinned up for a public hanging Give me a Cape Cod house when the planet is cured Let me be the same shrunken size Give me the best of both worlds and your personal guarantee I always thought you were a man of the people I always thought you were a man of the people The words that get back are not from you The man who preached to a crowd by the river Now some have you pinned down as a circus king Now some have you pinned up for a public hang The words that get back are not from you Now some have you make rounds like a circuit judge Now some have you pinned up for a public hang I always thought you were a man of the people I always thought you were a man of the people Now some have you pinned down as a circus king Now some have you pinned up for a public hanging Merry Christmas, Jane (Part 2) I thought you safe I thought you were I assumed you got one in the mail I thought you did You were so close I could see you standard in my mind I could see you clear but I was wrong You were not affluent in the least I was wrong Merry Christmas, little Jane I thought I'd send it back again but I didn't do it in the end I didn't know I thought you safe I thought you were I assumed you kept it to yourself I thought you did You knew the truth I could see you quiet behind glass I could see you tall but I was wrong You had no integrity at all I was wrong Merry Christmas, little Jane I thought I'd send it back again but I didn't do it in the end I didn't know Head Cheese Log I am having a holiday I watch the flicker the lights will play Up my hand goes about to say something I've forgotten what Still my mouth won't shut up Take my head cheese 'cause I am through with it I baked it black in the fireplace Take it out, I have nothing to do with it Take it up the stack Please don't bring it back soon Warm yourself by the solid state Help yourself to another plate It's all in the service, for goodness sake You just push your shoulders back Send it up the stack now I am humming a monotone A day with the Yule log, I'm not alone I am part of a massive home audience I'm communing, I'm not just tuning in Warm yourself by the solid state Help yourself to another plate It's all in the service, for goodness sake You just push your shoulders back Send it up the stack Leave your mouth a-gap Bake your head cheese black Smoke it up the stack Just don't let it come back All songs © 1999 by Matthew & Joseph Perry |